Friday, October 24, 2014

RECAP. *Checks Calender* Yep. Still October. Pens LOSE



The Pens made their first visit to the dumpster of Joe Louis Arena last night.  They had a 3-1 lead late in the game and let it slip away, and eventually lost in overtime.  Normally we would go and recap period by period events but we aren't gonna do that this time.  Instead we are gonna take a different route and try to explain to the degenerate in this fan base that are acting like the world is coming to an end.

So before the game ended tweets started appearing like "This team is a joke" and other things along those lines.  Then the Pens lost and it just got worse.  Whether it was on twitter or the special needs people on the Die Hard Pittsburgh Penguins Fans group on facebook, people were losing their damn minds.  And for what?  A random game in Detroit in October?  Get real.  The Penguins have played 6 games.  6.  SIX. 6. SIX.  S. I. X.  You got that?  6 games in an 82 game season.  If you are drawing your conclusion on what the Pens season is gonna look like based on a random game in Detroit in October well:
You're probably gonna be completely wrong in your assumption and you'll wind up looking like a jackass.  To reiterate.  The Pens have played in just SIX games this season.  They have a new coach and a completely different system.  There are going to be some growing pains throughout the season and the Pens may struggle a little bit.  We are here to tell you that its going to be okay. While some of you think the Pens should go 82-0-0 then go 16-0 and win the Stanley Cup well, once again:
This might be hard for some of you to fathom but the Pens aren't gonna go 82-0-0 and 16-0-0 to win the Stanley Cup.  This isn't NHL 15.  You can't quit the game and go back and start over just so you win.  It doesn't work like that believe it or not.  An NHL season is a marathon.  Not a sprint.  That why the cup wasn't handed out last night even though 96% of Pens fans acted like it was.  Games like the one in Detroit last night are good for a team.  Again.  That might be hard for some people in this degenerate fan base to understand.  It's about being ready for April.  Not game 6 out of 82.  No team has ever won the cup without facing a little adversity.  The Pens are going to be just fine.  They may struggle, they may lose a few here and there, they may blow a game or two but again.  It's October.  The Pens still have 76 games in front of them to work things out, grow into and learn the new system, and become a better team.  The world isn't ending folks.  Just sit back, watch the games, and try not to lose your mind over a game in October.

Pens head to Nashville tomorrow night.

Till then.

Go Pens

Thursday, October 23, 2014

GAMEDAY: Game 6 - Pens at Wings

Joe Louis Arena
7:30 PM
TV: Root
Radio: 105.9 The X

The Penguins play tonight in Detroit like 5 minutes after losing to the Flyers last night. This could be a good thing for the Penguins after playing a poor game last night. Thomas Griess will make his Penguins debut tonight in net. Not much really to say about this one but wait for 49329848932 references of the springy boards at the Joe. Datsyuk is back for the Wings and that's probably a good thing because he's good. Yes we just gave another player on another team credit for being good.

Lines (via Daily Faceoff)

Kunitz - Crosby - Hornqvist
Dupuis- Sutter - Malkin
Comeau - Spaling - Downie
Sill - Goc - Adams

Ehrhoff - Martin
Maatta - Letang
Despres - Scuderi


Datsyuk - Zetterberg - Abdelkader
Nyquist - Sheahan - Tatar
Jurco - Helm - Nestrasil
Miller - Glendening - Andersson

Kronwall - Ericsson
Kindl - Smith
Quincey - DeKeyser


Game Notes:
  • Thomas Griess went 10-8-5 last year with Arizona with a .920 save percentage and 2.29 GAA.
  • Crosby was held off the scoresheet last night but has scored 4 goals and 4 assists in 9 career games vs Detroit
  • The Penguins went 2-0-1 last year vs Detroit.
Do It

Go Pens

RECAP: Lock Up When You Leave. Pens LOSE.



The Flyers basically own Consol Energy Center. Philly came into Pittsburgh last night and improved their record to 10-1-1 at Consol in the regular season since it opened. The Penguins played their worst game of the season and still had a chance to win. The Penguins did have a pretty amazing moment before the game as the crowd sang along to O Canada to honor our friends in Canada for what happened in Ottawa yesterday.

The Penguins opened up the scoring right after a decent power play. Nick Spaling got on the board for his first as a Penguin. The Penguins then dominated play right after that and the crowd gave them a standing ovation, which is about the only time the crowd was actually into the game. After that, the Flyers had the puck through one towards the net, there were about 9342943 bodies in front of Fleury and the puck snuck through all that and into the net. Mark Streit got credit for the goal. The Flyers kind of carried play after that and eventually someone named Pierre-Edouard Bellemore tipped in a shot from Sean Couterireier (we spell his name wrong because he's really not a good hockey player and we dont really care to spell his name right.) There wasn't much else to happen except Simon Despres hit Courtierie and he pretended he died and then he fought the Pride of Plum, RJ Umberger. Flyers lead 2-1 after 1.

The second period was kind of a dull. The Flyers pretty much dominated the period outshooting the Pens 17-6 but somehow the Penguins got the lone goal. It was credited to Dupuis but this morning they changed it to Paul Martin. The Pens played a bad period but entered the 3rd tied at 2. Chris Kunitz got called for a pretty garbage Embellishment penalty at the end of the 3rd but it's Wes Macauley so we expect nothing else.

The 3rd had a weird feeling to it. Almost 7 minutes into the 3rd, the Penguins misplayed the puck on the wall, someone (I forget who now) went to clear it up the middle, instead semi-whiffed on it, and went right to the Pride of Plum, RJ Umberger, and he sniped it short side on MAF. 3-2. A few minutes later, Malkin didn't back check, Despres turned the puck over, Scuderi whiffed on someone and Matt Read made it look easy on Fleury to make it 4-2. After that, #BeatTheTraffic happened at Consol and the game seemed like it started to die. With about 3 minutes left, the 4th line scored a semi tic-tac-toe goal and Marcel Goc scored his first as a Penguin to cut it to 4-3. Consol was louder after that goal than it was all night even though it was half empty. The Penguins came after the Flyers hard after that but Sean Couteriere scored an empty netter from center ice to seal it. 5-3 Flyers.

1. Sean Couteiriere (1 goal 2 assits)
2. RJ Umberger (1 goal 1 assist)
3. Nick Spaling (1 goal)

No worries after this one, its only game 5.

Pens play again in like 6 minutes.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Jammed Up: The Official Heyyyyy Fannnssss Levels of Jam

If you follow any of us on twitter (@bobbles412, @kingling43, @YouMeAndDupuis, @ZackMorris82) , you will often see various photos of Smucker's Jam pop up in your timeline at random moments. For those of you wondering, no, we are not the world's biggest Smuckers Jam/Jelly fans. All of those random photos all lead back to one of the top 3 words in the English Language, Jammed.

Jammed is a word that can describe an unlimited amount of emotions and can be applied to even more situations. From extreme happiness to extreme anger, jammed is the total package IMO. As things typically go on this blog, one night we were all bored and decided to make a post to better classify the levels of jam, particularly for the upcoming Pens season. So without further ado, we proudly present to you the official Heyyyyy Fannnssss Levels of Jam.

Code Green

The lightest level of jam. When you get jammed like this it not a big deal at all. You'll be jammed for like 30 seconds and move of with your day. Crosby hitting the post in the 1st period of a preseason game against Buffalo. Sure it's fun to see Crosby embarrass people but its a preseason game and its against Buffalo. You don't really give a damn in the end. You'll go crack a #TradeCrosby joke on twitter, and you day goes on.

Code Blue

The Original Jam. Code Blue will leave you jammed up for much longer than 30 seconds. Imagine that post Crosby hit, now it's in the regular season and Crosby hit that post in the 3rd period when the Penguins were losing in the game by a goal. You'll be pretty mad when the Penguins go on to lose the game but then you realize that Buffalo still sucks and you'll go troll Penguins fans on Facebook.

Code Purple

The dual jam. When we're into Code Purple it's starting to get serious. The Penguins are playing some random game in November. While they still have a good record, they've been sliding. The losing streak they're on already has you jammed and now there was some terrible call that went against the Penguins in overtime. The Penguins go on to get scored against on the PK and they lose again. You are pretty angry and you go on twitter and tweet @RefYouSuck. You might go troll a few of the other teams fans on twitter too. In the end you just say F it, go on NHL, and go destroy teams as the Penguins to make yourself feel better. 

Code Brown

Triple Jam. Code Brown. The Penguins are playing some degenerate team like the Florida Panthers but then you see some superstar Penguin like Letang, Crosby, or Malkin laying on the ice in pain. You are more worried at first but then you hear HCMJ say something stupid like "upper body injury" and then he gives joke time frame for the injury. You have no idea what is going on and that is what jams you the most. You start re-watching the injury and then go research WebMD to try to figure out what is wrong.

Code White

The only GIF jam on our jam chart is for pretty legit circumstances. Lets say the Pens are now into December and its the final game before Christmas. They're still on a bit of a skid and are sitting in the final playoff spot at the time when a game against a rival like the Capitals begin. The Penguins come storming out and take an early lead. They're up 3 goals going into the 3rd period and then all hell breaks loose. Fleury lets in a weak goal, the Craps score another goal off a sloppy Malkin turnover, then Letang loses his mind and takes an undisciplined penalty. On the ensuing PK for the Pens, Ovechkin city, and it's a tie game. You think to yourself, there's two minutes to go in the game and the Pens will at least get into OT and get a point right? Wrong. 30 seconds to go the Craps dump it in the Pens zone. Fleury goes behind the net to play it, but the puck takes a weird bounce and ends up on a Capitals players stick right in front of the net and the Craps win it with 10 seconds to go. You're pretty jammed at this point. Yes it's only December, but the Pens haven't looked good as of late at all. The worst part is that the Pens now have a break for Christmas so this game will be in your mind over Christmas. You go to the mall to do some Christmas shopping and see some kid in a Caps jersey waiting in line for Santa Clause. You go up the the kid and tell him the truth about Santa. You don't really care at that point.

Code Yellow

The original Smuckers Jam Factory. While Code White will ruin a few days for you,  Code Yellow is a much more serious situation. The Pens are in some big time game against the Flyers or Bruins late in the season and are fighting for the top spot in the playoffs. The game goes into OT and the Penguins score a goal. You start to celebrate but then all of a sudden you see stripes come flying out of know where calling the goal off. He claims Kunitz interfered with the goalie and therefore the goal doesn't count. You keysmash on twitter and tweet @RefYouSuck. Then before you can even calm down the Flyers go down the ice and Giroux snipes one home. You look at the replay and you see contact between Fleury and Wayne Simmonds. This pushes you over the edge. You go find Flyers fans on twitter and start to fight with them. You call his mom fat and start drinking beers. 

Code Orange

The PicStiched Smucker's Factory. Code Orange is no joke. The Pens are playing the Blue Jackets in the playoffs and they lose game 1 by 5 goals. The Penguins take unlimited penalties and Fleury plays terrible. Crosby doesn't even register a shot. You don't even go on twitter after this one. You just go sit in a dark room and start pounding shots. Code Orange makes you think. You start asking yourself tough questions. Is this all worth it? You ask yourself what's wrong with your team. You imagine what will happen if the Pens can't turn it around. The changes that might take place. You even start to ask what the true meaning of life is. You don't want to bother us if Code Orange is in place.

Code Red

The unlimited Smuckers Factory PicStitch. You see Code Red go into effect, you better hide yo kids and hide yo wife. Code Red is for the absolute worst case scenario. The Pens go up 3-0 against the Flyers in the playoffs and then after Game 3 Giroux says they're coming back and winning. You go on twitter and start trolling. You look through Flyers fans old pictures on twitter and find some ugly selfie he took 3 years ago. You tweet him that picture at least 5 times a day until Game 4 starts. Then it happens. Giroux starts glitching and a week later you're walking into Consol for Game 7 against the Flyers. You are fear the worst but you still hold the faith. Giroux goes on to score a hat trick and the Flyers win Game 7. Code Red goes into effect and you are unable to move. You sit in your seat at Consol just staring at the ice. You're phone starts exploding and you see texts from you're friends saying that they saw you on TV after the Game ended. You check twitter and you see stunned GIF's of yourself all over the place. The Flyers fan you were making fun of earlier? He has that stunned pic as his avatar. You go to the store the next day to grab some milk, some old lady looks at you, so you give her a Rock Bottom. You don't watch hockey for awhile. It's GoodNight Moon if we're in Code Red.

Well, there you have it. The official Heyyyyy Fannnssss Jam Chart. Hopefully we'll use this throughout the season, but you saw how the countdown went, so who knows. Tonight the Pens play Philly, so we'll probably lose and go straight into Code Red but this post should give you the general idea. If you made it this far into this post, you deserve an award or something. Either way, Pens Flyers tonight, the return of the black and golds. Everyone here at the blog is jammed and so are you probably. Flyers suck.

Go Pens 

GAMEDAY: Game 5 - Flyers at Penguins

Consol Energy Center. 
8 pm.
Radio: 105.9 The X

For the first time since Game 4 of the 1992 Stanley Cup Finals, the Penguins will be wearing these jerseys tonight.
And we could not be more excited. To cap off the nostalgia of these jerseys our friends enemies from across the state are inside Consol Energy Center tonight for the first of 4 meetings between the Pens and Flyers. This one is part of NBCSN's Wednesday Night Rivalry and the first time of 4839248932 times the Penguins will play on Wednesday Night Rivalry this season. The Penguins are somehow playing just their 5th game this year and the Flyers are coming off a 4-0 loss last night in Chicago and they're off to a 1-3-2 start. Safe to say, we're pretty jammed up for this one. Lines and notes to follow.

Raffl - Assgrabber - Vorasucks
B Schenn - Bellemere - Simmonds
Umberger - Courterieire - Read
Rinaldo - VandeVelde - Jones

Grossman - MacDonald (LOL)
Schultz - Streit (LOL)
Del Zotto - L Schenn (LOL)


Kunitz - Crosby - Hornqvist
Dupuis - Sutter - Malkin
Comeau - Spaling - Downie
Adams - Goc - Sill

Letang - Maatta
Ehrhoff - Martin
Scuderi - Despres/Bortuzzo


  • Sidney Crosby has 30 goals and 45 assists (75 points) in 48 career games against the Flyers
  • Patric Hornqvist has 4 goals this year and points in every game up to this point
  • Marc-Andre Fleury is 3-1-0 with a .915 save % and 2.40 GAA and hes 24-15-2 against the Flyers over his career.
  • The Penguins Power Play is clicking at an 8-18 rate (47.1%)
  • The Flyers Power Play is 6-24 (29.2%)


Do It

Go Pens

Sunday, October 19, 2014

RECAP: Everyone's Horny. Pens WIN.



The first Pens-Islanders game of the year did not disappoint. We expect these two teams to battle it out for the top spot in the Metrosexual Division all year. Marc-Andre Fleury had an incredible game stopping 34 of 35 shots, and a few of those saves were not of the easy variety. Steve Downie literally challenged the entire Islanders team. And the Penguins power play has continued to be goodnight moon for opponents through 4 games.

The game started out with the Islanders somewhat controlling play and it ended up being beneficial for them. 5 and a half minutes into the period, Olli Maatta blew a tire around center ice and some Islander got the puck in deep. Kris Letang broke the play to the corner but Ryan Strome found Thomas Hickey streaking down the crease and someone on the Penguins didn't backcheck hard enough, left Hickey wide open who sniped Fleury. 1-0 Isles at the 5:46 mark. After the goal though, the Penguins started coming and Evgeni Malkin drew a trip on Casey Cizikas. The Power Play did not score, but man the chances the Penguins were getting and trying to deflect 4432 shots past Halak. The first period ended with the Penguins outshooting the Isles 16-10, but the Isles took a 1-0 lead into the intermission. Live shot of Jaroslav Halak in the first period.

Live shot of the beginning of the second period.
The teams exchanged Power Plays to start the beginning of the period, and the Islanders had a 5 on 3 at one point but the Penguins PKers and Marc-Andre Fleury didn't care. Note: We haven't really figured out if John Tavares played in this game, he was invisible all night and that might have had a factor on the Isles PP. Corey Conacher took a penalty and then the Isles jumped an extra guy on the ice during the PK and Evgeni Malkin saw it, put his hand up and the ref saw it and gave the Pens a 5 on 3. The Penguins 5 on 3 went slightly different than the Islanders one did. The puck eventually got worked down low to Patric Hornqvist who tried to jam one through Halak, Halak tried covering it, but Hornqvist had other ideas and poked it free behind the net and then eventually worked it to Sidney Crosby who then one touched sauced one to Malkin. Malkin did a glitch move and sniped it near side on Halak. 1-1.
The Isles then tried to gain some offense on the 2nd penalty, but the Penguins again had other ideas. They started moving the puck quickly and the Isles started chasing. Kris Letang found Malkin who then slowly pulled a slap shot and it went through a Patric Hornqvist screen. Well so we thought, but it apparantly hit Hornqvist in the dick. 2-1 Pens and both goals came 55 seconds apart. Not much really happened until the period ended. Sidney Crosby was forechecking and skated around the net and his skate got tangled with Halak's and Halak fell down then started crying to the ref. The period ended then Halak and Crosby had a few words then Tavares made his only appearance of the night, came out to talk to them and then world known piece of shit Travis Hamonic decided he would come out. Kris Letang and Steve Downie would have none of it, then Downie basically told Hamonic to F off and called him a pussy and did this.
brb going to buy 15 Steve Downie jerseys

After the Penguins killed another Islanders power play, this happened.

buying 10 more Downie jerseys
As Zack tweeted last night, this entire sequence was exactly what the Penguins lacked last year, pretty sure that no ones gonna mess with any Penguin for the rest of the year because Steve Downie might kill you.
"Steve Downie's gonna kill you, Steve Downie's gonna kill you, Steve Downie's gonna kill you!" <--- Sing this

Anyways, nothing really happened the rest of the game other than the Penguins were in the Islanders mouths on the PK and Fleury made some pretty remarkable saves. Isles pulled Halak, Crosby chipped a puck to Kunitz who cleared it to open space which Hornqvist got to and skated the puck into the net for his 2nd of the night (4th of the season). Game.

1. Marc-Andre Fleury (35 saves)
2. Patric Hornqvist (2 goals, 1 assist)
3. Jaroslav Halak (35 saves)

Game Notes
  • Crosby recorded his 500th career assist on the Hornqvist empty netter.
  • Evgeni Malkin played his best game of the year, what a player
  • Fleury sucks....oh wait
  • Steve Downie might kill someone. He had 13 Penalties in Minutes in this game
  • Pens PK went 7-7
  • Pens PP went 2-4 and is now 8-18 on the year. Nasty
Pens now have 432432 days off until next game against Philly on Wednesday Night Rivalry at 8 pm.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

GAMEDAY: Game 4 - Islanders vs. Pens

Consol Energy Center - 7PM
TV: ROOT Sports
Radio: 105.9 The X

Tonight, the Penguins host John Tavares and the New York Islanders as they look to bounce back from a tough loss against the Dallas Stars this past Thursday Night. The Islanders are actually legit now and are no longer that joke team you pad your stats against. While the Islanders might finally be legit and no longer a joke, whoever was in charge of constructing their new home in Brooklyn clearly didn't get the memo.  


Lines via Empty Netters

Kunitz - Crosby- Hornqvist
Dupuis - Sutter - Malkin 
Comeau - Spaling - Downie 
Sill - Goc - Adams

Letang - Maatta
Martin - Ehrhoff
Despres - Scuderi

Conacher - Tavares - Okposo
Kulemin - Nelson - Strome
Bailey - Nielsen - Clutterbuck 
Martin - Cizikas - McDonald

Leddy - Boychuk
Hickey - Hamonic
Haan - Strait

Notes and Thoughts: 
  • The Islanders come into tonight's game undefeated, holding a record of 4-0-0. They've never gone 5-0-0 to start the season.
  • It's looking like Pascal Dupuis will somehow play tonight despite being stretchered off the ice Thursday night after getting cross checked in the back and then hit in the neck/head with a Letang slap shot. We all feared the worst when the incident happened and whether Dupuis goes tonight or not, he is incredibly lucky as he seems to be OK and was skating the very next morning. 

Dupuis basically
  • The Pens and Islanders hold the top two Power Plays in the NHL. The Penguins are clicking at 46.2% while the Islanders are not far behind at 42.9%. So obviously, special teams will be big tonight. 
  • Tavares is pretty good at hockey. He is leading the league in points right now with 9 in 4 games.
  • Crosby is also apparently pretty good, with 7 points in 3 games.

Go Pens