Sunday, August 31, 2014

In 39 Days...

    We are now 39 days away from hearing Jeff Jimerson serenade us with the "Star Spangled Banner" and seeing Ryan Kesler's gorgeous face in a Ducks jersey as the Pens will face Anaheim Thursday, October 9th at 7:08PM at Consol Energy Center. Here we are at number 39 in the countdown with little to talk about. Penguins players to wear the number 39 sweater include Mike Needham, Peter Allen, Joel Bouchard, Jon Sim, Luca Caputi (again), and Brad Theissen. While Jon Sim was an "X-Generation" warrior and as fun as it would be to write about Luca Caputi and include the "Luca Caputi Rap", we decided to pick #BestInTheWorld defenseman Joël Bouchard.

  Canadian defenseman Bouchard was taken in the 6th round (129th overall) in the 1992 NHL Entry Draft. Joël is an NHL journeyman / team slut as he went on to play for eight NHL teams in his 13 seasons. Bouchard went on to play seven games for the Penguins during the 2002-2003 season. But it's not like Bouchard is a relevant figure, it's what got Bouchard here that matters most. Bouchard, Richard Lintner, THE Rico Fata, and Mikael Samuelsson were acquired in the deal that sent Alexei Kovalev, Mike Wilson, superstar defenseman Janne Laukkanen, and Dan LaCouture to the New York Rangers, hence the beginnings of the "X-Generation." Kovalev's departure was hard to swallow (hahaha that's what she said) for a lot of fans, and basically accepted the fact that the Penguins were going to in a new direction. And holy shit did they. However, the bright side of this deal (it sure as hell was not Joël Bouchard) was basically getting Marc-Andre Fleury out of this. During the 2003 NHL Entry Draft, the Penguins traded their third pick (which ended up being Nathan Horton), the 55th pick (some jabroni) and Mikael Samuelsson (Guy acquired with Bouchard in Ranger deal) for the first overall pick from the Florida Panthers, in which the Penguins took Marc-Andre Fleury and the 73rd pick in which the Pens took Daniel Carcillo (insert all the lololololos).

  During Bouchard's 7 games with the Penguins in 2002-2003, he recorded 1 assist and was a -6 (so Pittsburgh fans would hate him now because +/- is everything). Bouchard spent four years with Calgary, the team he was drafted to, then went on a nice little life journey playing for the Rangers, Predators, Devils, Dallas, Islanders, Pittsburgh (that's us), and Phoenix. Bouchard had two stints with the Rangers as he went back the following season after being acquired by the Penguins. Technically he was on 9 teams as after he left the Penguins the Buffalo Sabres signed him, however he did not play a game for them and was then claimed by the Rags. To summarize Bouchard's career as a Penguin, we lost Kovalev in the deal that brought him here but we also received a key component that helped us acquire Marc-Andre Fleury in the 2003 NHL Entry Draft. So basically, Bouchard was here in a time when the team was shifting directions. From trading away Kovalev to signing Fleury, there was the "Bouchard Era." Stay tuned tomorrow for someone who's way better than Joël Bouchard IMO.

Future Hall of Famer


Saturday, August 30, 2014

In 40 Days....

The Pittsburgh Penguins are 40 days away from opening up their 2014-2015 National Hockey League season against Gordon Bombay's Mighty Ducks the Anaheim Ducks. Today we are looking at the history of the jersey number 40. Throughout Penguins history, a total of 5 players have put on the number 40 sweater for the Pens. Frank Pietrangelo, Patrick Lalime, Andy Chiodo, Alexander Pechurski, and Nick Drazenvic are those 5 players.

Today we will be focusing on the goaltender who made one of the biggest, if not the biggest save in Pittsburgh Penguins history.

Frank Pietrangelo

Frank Pietrangelo was drafted by the Pittsburgh Penguins in the 4th round, 63rd overall, in the 1983 NHL Entry Draft. Now as much as I would love to be able to just rattle off when Pietranelo was drafted, I sadly don't have that deep of a Penguins hockey history database inside my head. I bring this up because for some unknown reason I saw 3 different draft numbers on the world wide web for Pietrangelo when I looked it up. 63rd overall, 64th, and 67th, overall were the positions listed. and the Pens official site matched up with one of the sites and has him listed as being 63rd overall, so we decided to go with that. Either way, Frank Pietrangelo was the Penguins 4th round draft pick (most likely 63rd overall) in 1983, so if you ever end up getting that question in a trivia contest, you owe us some of your winnings.

Frank Pietrangelo played 87 games in a Penguins uniform and posted a record of 34-32-3. 2 quick things before we go on. First, for you guys doing the math right now, you'll notice his win/loss/tie record only add up to 69 games (Hehe). That is because as a goalie you are not necessarily the goalie on record just because you play in a game. Second, for all you new age Pens fan, those 3 games are not OT or shootout losses, they are ties (#FreeTheShootOut).  

During those 87 games, Pietrangelo posted a save percentage of .870 and a goals against average of 4.32. Pietrangelo also posted one career shutout, which came during the 1987-1988 season. He was traded on March 10, 1992 from Pittsburgh to the Hartfort Whalers for "future considerations" thus ending his career as a Pittsburgh Penguin.

Pretty much everything I have said up to this point is irrelevant when talking about Frank Pietrangelo. He is and will always be remember in Pittsburgh for one moment throughout his Penguins career.

The Save


It was Game 6 of first round of the 1991 Stanley Cup Playoffs. The Penguins were trailing the Devils 3-2 in the series and were without Hall of Fame defenseman Paul Coffey and starting goaltender Tom Barrasso. Pietrangelo was forced to start Game 6 because of Barrasso's injury and his career would never be the same. The Penguins were up 2-1 in the first period of game 6. The Devils were on the power play and were working the puck around. A shot from the point, a rebound, Stastny gets the puck with a net that is more wide open than some drunk girl's legs on the South Side.... Robbery 

Stunned Guy on the far left. He was never the same after that moment.

Momentum and belief can be a big thing in any sport, hockey included. "The Save" as it is known in Pittsburgh gave the Penguins the momentum and belief that it was meant to be. Pietrangelo was a backup goalie who was thrust into the starting job during the biggest game of the Penguins season to that point, and man, did he ever step up. If Stastny buries that goal who knows where we are now. We could be looking at the 2009 Stanley Cup being only the 2nd in franchise history, hell maybe even the first. 

"The Save" forever etched Frank Pietrangelo's name into the Penguins history books and pushed the Penguins past the Devils. You all should know the rest of the story. The Penguins go on to beat the Washington Crapitals, Boston Bruins, and the Minnesota North Stars en route to their first Stanley Cup in franchise history. See you tomorrow for number 39. 

Go Pens

Friday, August 29, 2014

In 41 Days...

  The countdown continues today as the Pens are just 41 days away from battling Ryan Kesler and co. October 9th at Consol Energy Center. Which leads us into the infamous Penguins players to have worn the 41 sweater throughout franchise history. There's a good mix between "eh somewhat relevant", to "who the hell is that?", to "alright, I remember him." Those players include, THE Shane Endicott, Jocelyn Thibault, Nathan Smith, Martin Skoula, and current Penguin, #BangBodies superstar and former #PressBoxHero, Robert Bortuzzo. While the talent pool here unbelievably deep (luls) we chose to spotlight one player from the coveted "X-Generation" and one from the end of the Bylsma Era and hopefully a vital part of the #JohnstonEra. So without further adieu, ladies and gentleman Shane Endicott and Robert Bortuzzo.
Look at that "potential"

Endicott was taken by the Penguins in the 2nd round (52nd overall) by the Penguins in the 2000 NHL Entry Draft. He had two stints with the Penguins, 2001-2002 where he played four games and recorded one assist and was a -1. (He sucks because he had a bad +/-. He was then sent down to Wilkes-Barre where he became an AHL superstar. Endicott finished the 2004-2005 season with 68 games played, 24 goals and 23 assists for 47 points and most importantly he was a +3! Endicott had his second stint with the Penguins during the 2005-2006 season where he played legit half the season, 41 games recording one goal and one assist for a superstar-like two points. He also finished the season as a -9 (so basically he should have been sent to North Korea with those numbers). After the season, Endicott was bought out by the Penguins. You know it's bad when you're an "X-Generation" Penguin and the Penguins pay you to not come back. After Endicott was bought out, the Nashville Predators slid into Shane's DMs on July 17, 2006 and assigned him to their AHL affiliate Milwaukee Admirals. Endicott was then traded to the Ducks for a Denny's Baconalia Sundae. Shortly after the Ducks realized Endicott was bad he was then shipped to Dallas for "future considerations." Endicott now plays overseas for some Italian team that is part of the mafia. While there's not much to really say about Endicott, we believe he would have been a vital part of the Pens bottom six during Bylsma's final hours. #ThatBaconDoe.
What the Ducks gave up for Endicott

   The next Penguin player we decided to spotlight is way more relevant, talented, grittier, and passionate then your favorite porno. Robert now #BangBodies Bortuzzo, formerly known as #PressBoxHero. Bortuzzo was taken by the Penguins in the 3rd round, 78th overall in the 2007 NHL Entry Draft. Bortuzzo played in the OHL for the Kitchener Rangers prior to joining the Wilkes-Barre Scranton Penguins during the 2009-2010 season. While in Kitchener, Bortuzzo and his team won the Hamilton Spectator trophy, which is awarded to the team who finishes first overall in the OHL. In 2009-2010 Bortuzzo went on to play for Wilkes-Barre Scranton where in his first season, he played in 75 games and recorded 109 PIMs (What a warrior). The following season Bortuzzo played in 79 games and recorded 4 goals and 22 assists (Sounds like a Norris Trophy candidate IMO). Bortuzzo's NHL debut came on November 5, 2011 when he was called up to fill in for Dr. Ben Lovejoy who had gone down with a wrist injury. A little over a month later, Bortuzzo was injured on a hit from Flyers piece of shit goon Zac Rinaldo. During the 2012-2013 lockout season, Bortuzzo's role on the Penguins increased as he was known as the 7th defenseman. Bortuzzo's first NHL goal came February 2, 2013 against Martin Broduer, so he will always have that going for him.
Look at that piece of shit Hartnell

   However, despite Bortuzzo's increased role on the Penguins, he did not see a second of ice time during the playoffs. However, this past year saw a dramatic increase in Bort's playing time as 99.95% of the Penguins, especially their defenseman were hurt at some point during the season. He went on to play 54 out of 82 games. Due to all the injuries, he played in his first playoff game on April 26, against the Columbus Blue Jackets after Brooks Orpik went down with an "upper body" injury. Bortuzzo is the new #FreeCandy Brooks Orpik on the Penguins and is not known for much other than ending careers, sticking up for the boys and talking some smack, Bortuzzo is a much needed piece for the Penguins going forward. Now that the Bylsma administration (#GetAlongGang) is no longer in charge and friendships do not matter, look for Bortuzzo to be an everyday guy this season. One thing is for sure, if someone looks at Sid or Malkin the wrong way, Surf Bort and Downie will be there. Stay tuned to see who number 40 is tomorrow.

By the way, before we end today's post we want to give a special shoutout to stripes and our goaltender Hryshko for costing us a run at a banner. As you all know, #BannerNightLiveTweet is a big part of why we tweet and we do it for you, the fans. However, the refs deciding to take this one away from us by a no-call goaltender interference in the 2nd period, in which a similar incident happened to our team which was called. Needless to say, stripes and Hryshko have some work to do before our next #BannerNightLiveTweet. Be sure to follow us on Twitter @ZackMorris82 @YouMeAndDupuis @Bobbles412 and @Kingling43 for all your #BannerNightLiveTweetCoverage.
Horrible Stripes

Thursday, August 28, 2014

In 42 Days...

    In 42 days the Penguins will battle the Anaheim Ducks at 7:08PM at Consol Energy Center in search of their 4th Stanley Cup in franchise history. Which means, Jeff Jimerson serenading us with the Star Spangled Banner is just 42 days away. Which takes us to our countdown as we pick up with Penguins players who have worn the 42 sweater over the years. Wearing 42 were Tuomas Gronman (? lol), THE Dustin Jeffrey, Nick Johnson, Corey (Harry Potter), and Dylan Reese (#Homegrown). Naturally, Dustin Jeffrey is probably the most relevant (still not that relevant) player for the countdown. Jeffrey spent parts of six seasons with the Penguins. However his injuries, lack of production during his few opportunities he was given, and Dan Bylsma made Dustin Jeffrey's career as a Penguin easy to forget.
Not Dustin Jeffrey but close
Dustin Jeffrey was selected by the Penguins in the 6th round of the 2007 NHL Entry Draft at 171st overall. Jeffrey played in exactly 100 games as a Penguin. As a Penguin, Jeffrey recorded 15 goals, 13 assists for a total of 28 points. However, a fascinating stat all you #KeepMattNiskanen people would love, Jeffrey finished his career as a Penguin as a +4 (because +/- is the tell-all stat). Jeffrey was never the same after March 24, 2011 when he was placed on the I.R. with a "lower body" injury which turned about to be a torn ACL and basically goodnight moon for his career, as he never has quite rebounded.

What made Jeffrey a solid fit for the Penguins (if you want to call it that) was that Jeffrey had some size (some) at 6'1 205lbs. Jeffrey is listed as a center but also had the ability to play left wing. Jeffrey, despite injuries was never given a fair chance to play in Pittsburgh because of the million dollar Calgary superstar Deryk Engelland jumping up to offense and taking Jeffrey's potential spot on wing. It's not like Dustin Jeffrey was like EASHL banner worthy, it's just he wasn't given a fair amount of playing time. Jeffrey was known for his hard shot, going to the net and #GettingToHisGame, however, his flaws were his inability to skate fast (like Vanilla Midget Brian Gibbons), his offensive game in general, and lastly playing for Dan Bylsma. Had Jeffrey not played for Disco Dan the Man Bylsma (after writing that I feel horrible and need a shower) Jeffrey could have potentially helped the Penguins. Especially when the Penguins hardcore lacked a bottom six or anything relevant to one last year.

   At the end of the day, Dustin Jeffrey was just another scrub 3rd or 4th liner for the Penguins. However, if he was used properly by Bylsma, Jeffrey could have potentially (note: potentially helped the club, like not guaranteed he would have) helped the club. Either way, Jeffrey was claimed by the Dallas Stars on November 17, 2013. So there he went. Jeffrey went on to play 24 games for Dallas that season recording an astounding 2 goals, 1 assist for 3 total points!! Jeffrey was then signed by the Vancouver Canucks (@Rammer34 you're dead) on July 2nd, 2014. So the end of Dustin Jeffrey's career is upon us as we're sure he'll suck in Vancouver. Stay tuned to see who number 41 will be tomorrow. But seriously, it's banner night on NHL 14 and it's banner time. Follow us on twitter @ZackMorris82 @Bobbles412 @YouMeAndDupuis and @Kingling43! #FireRammer

AHL Superhero

Honorable Mention

Corey Potter

Also known as the chosen one, Correy Potter was born on July 31, 1980 and is the son of Lily and James Potter. When Potter was a baby his mother and father were murdered by He Who Must Not Be Named. Voldemort attempted to finish off Potter as well but do to his grittiness and character, Potter miraculously survived while Voldemort died. Many years down the road Voldemort would make his return, after several battles, Potter would finally save to world and finish off Voldemort once and for all. Potter was also known for his exceptional skills as a Quidditch Seeker, the time he saved his future wife Ginny Weasley from the Chamber of Secrets, and for doing absolutely nothing in the one game he played in for the Pittsburgh Penguins. There isn't much else to say about Harry Corey Potter, see you tomorrow for 41, until then...

Go Pens

In 43 Days....

43 days from today (well yesterday since you're probably reading this on August 28th) the Pittsburgh Penguins will begin their quest for the Stanley Cup at Consol Energy Center against the Anaheim Ducks (should still be Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, IMO). If you have been following along the whole time, then congrats, you deserve a medal that we don't have or won't give.

Today (yesterday) was 43 days until the home opener. We would've had this post done but a Pirates game, drunking binges/wing night, poutine, Nate wanting to kill his dek hockey ref, and NHL 14 had us kind of forgetting about the post, but here it is.

Only 3 people have worn the number 43 in Pittsburgh Penguins history. Those players are Jeff Daniels
No not this one....

the great, Tomas Surovy, and the legend Phillipe Boucher.

We decided to write a little post up on the great Tomas Surovy

Tomas Surovy was a focal point during the X Generation.
What a disaster, seriously go look at some of the scores.

Surovy played in 126 games in his NHL career in 3 short seasons (all with Pittsburgh). Surovy scored 27 goals and 32 assists in those 126 games (that's not very good).  And since +/- is the most important stat to some degenerate fans, Surovy was a -21 over those three seasons. Let's be honest though, as bad as the 3 Penguin teams that he was on, it would've been a miracle for any one of those players to be a +.

Surovy left the NHL after the 2005-06 season and began playing in Sweden as well as for his native Slovakia in the World Championships (Olympics in 2006). In 2010-11, Surovy joined the KHL and has played there ever since and he made the Slovakian Olympic team in 2014.

There's not much that we can say about Tomas Surovy so we'll give you some X Generation/Surovy clips from Youtube.

"A new breed of Champions"


Even Sid can make Tomas Surovy look good...

Find out tomorrow today who #42 is. We promise you're probably gonna be like, WHO?

Until then,

Go Pens

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

In 44 Days...

 We're a day behind on the countdown due to the fact that college has started up again and binge drinking has begun along with pitcher nights and wings nights, and for that we apologize. Anyway, this post is a day late, and we will have another one for you later tonight. We're 44 (from yesterday) days away from a #BylsmaFree season as the Pens will be in search for their fourth Stanley Cup in franchise history. Notable Pens players to wear the 44 sweater include Todd Nelson, Drake Berehowsky, Ed Patterson, THE Rob Brown, Stephane Richer and #BangBodies Brooks Orpik. The obvious player we chose to spotlight was Orpik with a shoutout to Rob Brown for his 1988-1989 115 point season and Stanley Cup champion in 1991.

Brooks Orpik (Brooks because he born shortly after the Miracle on Ice in 1980 luls) was drafted by the Pittsburgh Penguins in the in the first round of the 2000 NHL Entry Draft, 18th overall. Orpik is knowing for crucifying random players, an overtime winner against the New York Islanders that sent us onward to play Ottawa, which then the Penguins were eventually butt-raped by Boston, and reinventing the code because of degenerate former Bruin Shawn Thornton, who we wish nothing but the worst on. Orpik absolutely destroyed Loui Eriksson and when Shawn Thornton tried to get Orpik to fight, Orpik declined so Shawn Thornton slew-footed him first then continued to beat the piss out of him while he was laying helpless on the ice. What a guy right? Wishing the worst on Shawn Thornton and his life from here on out. Either way, Orpik killing people is what set that off.

   Orpik was also a member of the famous "X-Generation" Penguins with goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury.  So Orpik has seen it all, from Dick Tarnstrom leading the team in points with 52 in 2003-2004 to the Sidney Crosby era, to the end of an era (#ByeLOLsma) Orpik was there for it all. Orpik began his career with the Penguins during the 2001-2002 season and spent the year in Wilkes-Barre. Orpik played 6 games during the 2002-2003 season and from there on out had a permanent roster spot with the Penguins. In his first full season Orpik played in 79 games and recorded 1 goal and 9 assists with 127 PIMs.

In 2008 Orpik signed a 6 year $22.5 million dollar contract with the Penguins. Obviously this was the year of #BlameHossa so the Pens were poised for a long cup run. When #SuperStarSovietDefenseman Sergei Gonchar went down with an injury, Orpik was given the "A" alongside superstar Evgeni Malkin. In 2009 Orpik was invited to play for Team USA in Vancouver in which the U.S. finished second after Sid's goal overtime goal on Ryan MiLOLer (Miller, sorry misspelled that). Later that year, Orpik played a vital role in helping the Penguins win their third Stanley Cup in franchise history. That year Orpik recorded 2 goals and 23 assists and was a +6 (because +/- stat matters to most degenerate hockey fans) as well as recored 64 PIMs. What a hero. What a warrior. Orpik's career stats include 703 games played, 13 goals, 119 assists for a total of 132 points, he's a +32 (thank god for +/-) with a total of 734 PIMs. Orpik was not one of those guys that stood out, unless they were punting someone across the rink.

On July 1, Orpik signed a 5 year $27.5M dollar deal with the Washington Crapitals (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO.) For as much as Orpik did here, thank god the Pens did not pay that money. His time was up here and thank god the Pens did not try to resign Orpik. Also Orpik is 33, and a very physical defenseman, so bets are he will not finish out that 5 year deal with Washington or die before his deal is up. Although Orpik is such a great guy and was part of the Pens past many plans including the "X-Generation" and "#GetToOurGame" we hope to god that when the Pens play Washington Orpik and Niskanen will be paired together so the Pens can #SkateCircles around them. But in all seriousness, Orpik was a much respected locker room presence (Unlike Craig Adams, Mr. Coffee With Coaches) and he will be missed (just not for that money.) Stay tuned later today to see who #43 will be!


Monday, August 25, 2014

In 45 Days...

In 45 days the Pittsburgh Penguins will take on the Anaheim Ducks at Corporate Entitlement Center to start the 2014-2015 NHL season.  45 is a number that not many players in Penguins history have worn.  To be exact, 6 people have worn the number 45 for the Penguins.  Those 6 people are: Glenn Mulvenna, Mike Needham, Martin Sonnenberg, Rob Scuderi, and Adam Payerl who currently wears it.  Now if you are counting along you'll realize that is only 5 people.  We left the 6th person out because that is who our focus is gonna be on today.  That 6th person is:
Aaron Asham

Aaron Asham had a pretty forgettable career as a Penguin to be honest.  When we think of Aaron Asham we think of 2 things.  The night he mad Jay Beagle go Goodnight Moon:

And the time he tried to end Brayden Schenn's life:
Pretty evident dive from Schenn too IMO.

Other than that.  Can't really remember anything else Aaron Asham ever did as a Penguin.

Tune in tomorrow to see who #44 is.

Till then.

Go Pens

Alexi Morozov Retires

Former Penguin Alexi Morozov officially has retired from hockey.  Morozov was drafted by the Pens 24th overall in the 1995 draft.  He remained in Russia for a couple of years before finally joining the Pens in the 97-98 season.  Morozov scored a goal on his first shift, on his first shot, in his first game as a Penguin.  Over the 7 seasons he played as a Penguin Morozov netted 84 goals while adding 135 assists.  His best season as a Penguin somehow came in the 03-04 season when he tallied 50 points.  16 goals.  34 assists.  I say somehow because that 03-04 Pens team was as bad as Pens Initiative.  I mean for God's sake.  Defenseman, Dick Tarnstrom led the team in points that season. Anyways.  After the 03-04 season Morozov took his talents back to Russia during the NHL Lockout of the 04-05 season.  He would remain there for the rest of his career.  Throughout his career between the NHL, KHL, and Russian Superleague, Morozov tallied 506 points (209 goals 297 assists).  Morozov could of had a more fruitful NHL career but thanks to the lockout and having to play on the 3rd and 4th line for whatever reason his growth as a player was slowed considerably during his time in the NHL.  Although Morozov never rejoined the Pens after the 03-04 season, he is still engraved into the memories of Pens fans for this goal.  Well not really the goal.  More so the celebration.
Top 5 goal in Pens history IMO.  Also.  Pause that video and look at some of the names on that team.  Jesus.  

Morozov also got the privileged of being the Captain of the 2010 Russian Olympic Team.  Most of Russia probably wants to forget about those Olympics.

Congrats on a great Career Alexi.  Enjoy retirement.

Go Pens 

Sunday, August 24, 2014

In 46 Days.....

46 days from today, the Pittsburgh Penguins will begin the quest to win the 4th Stanley Cup in Franchise History in what will be their 47th season in the National Hockey League (Bettman Sucks). In those 47 years, the Penguins have only had four players to wear the number 46. Those players include, Pavel Skrbek, Victor Ignatjev, Jeff Toms, and none other than the great Joe Vitale.

Since you guys probably have no clue who the other 3 are, the player we choose in today's countdown is the great...
Joe Vitale

Joe Vitale was drafted in the 7th Round (195th overall) by the Pittsburgh Penguins in the 2005 NHL Entry Draft. Vitale is known best for being from St. Louis, Missouri and most of the time, you saw him skating around and falling down. Vitale played in 163 games as a Penguin scoring 8 goals and 27 assists while recording 115 PIM's over a total of 4 seasons.

What we will remember the most about Joe Vitale is probably this

Lavy is jammed. Bylsma is a pussy.

Joe Vitale is the perfect summary of what Dan Bylsma's Penguins were. #GetToOurGame would be the perfect way to describe how Joe Vitale plays. Vitale has scored a few big goals in his career though.

And he almost died once from Zdeno Chara.

And he fought our favorite former Penguin, Harry Keysmash once against Philly

Some people really liked Joe Vitale with the Penguins because he skated really fast or some shit like Brian Gibbons, but he was what was wrong with the Penguins the last 4 years, in the simple fact, he's not very good.

Here's a post from our good friends over at The Pensblog from the playoffs this year with a bunch of gifs of Vitale falling down, which we're pretty sure he did more than he was on his feet. Vitale falls down

Vitale became a UFA on July 1st, and someone in Phoenix sorry Arizona, was drunk enough to give him a 3 year deal worth $1.116 million per year (sorry Brandon).

The best thing to take out of this is, Joe Vitale is no longer a Penguin and that means the #GetToOurGame era is officially over.

Shocked he's not on his feet.

That's really all that we can say about Joe Vitale without wanting to drink bleach or some shit.

Tune in tomorrow to see who #45 is.

We promise there's probably a Skittles reference.

Until then

Go Pens

Saturday, August 23, 2014

In 47 Days.....

In 47 days, the Pittsburgh Penguins will begin their 47th season in the National Hockey League (it would be 48th season, but Bettman Sucks). After yesterday's incredible TK tribute, it's going to be tough to beat that post, especially with not nearly as many players have been notable in wearing the number 47 for the black and vegas gold (formerly mustard gold). In those 47 years, only 6 players have worn the number 47 for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Those six players are Maxim Galanov, Kent Manderville, Michal Sivek, Micki DuPont, Tim Brent, and Simon Despres.

Michal Sivek deserves an honarable mention for this post because he was acquired by the Penguins on July 11, 2001 in one of the most famous (yet horribly awful) trades that has ever happened in Pittsburgh Penguins history. Sivek was acquired along with Kris Beech, and future considerations for Frantisek Kucera and some guy named Jaromir Jagr.


Sivek played in a whopping 38 games as a Penguin and tallied 3 goals and 3 assists, was a -5 (since thats the tell all, tell all stat for a hockey player) and recorded 14 PIMs. Sivek spent the parts of the next 3 seasons with the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins before returning to his native Czech Republic to play through the 2007-08 season. To this day, not sure anyone (including his mother) knows where Michal Sivek is...

The real post today though is going to be on none other than

Simon Despres

Despres was the Penguins first round pick (30th overall) in the 2009 NHL Entry Draft.  Despres has played in 85 total NHL games (otherwise known as Dan Bylsma Syndrome Effect) and has tallied 3 goals and 13 assists. He recorded his first goal on December 17th, 2011 against the Buffalose Buffao Sabres.

Seriously, what a shift by TK on that goal.

Random thought: So glad the Penguins switched from Blur - Song 2 back to The Hey Song for their goal song.

 We don't take Despres' stats into consideration since he was playing for coach who hated the French and had mush for brains.

Live shot of someone looking inside Dan Bylsma's brain.

The four of us here at Heyyyyy Fannnssss are expecting big things out of Simon Despres and Jim Rutherford should be happy that he re-signed here knowing how bad that Ray Shero and Dan Bylsma fucked him over. Mike Johnston is going to get the best out of Simon Despres and we truly believe he is going to be.

We expect to see stuff like this.

What a shot.

The one thing to take away from those videos are, God how bad is Paul Steigerwald.

That's about all we have on Simon Despres and Michal Sivek. If Bylsma was a cockhat, we might be able to write more.

We can't wait to #GetToOurGame tomorrow to bring you #46.

Until then



In 48 Days....

In 48 days the Pittsburgh Penguins will be playing their first regular season game at the Corporate Entitlement Center Consol Energy Center against the Anaheim Ducks. As you should probably know by now, we are counting down the days to the Penguins season opener and focusing on players from Penguins past along the way. Sven Butenschon, Jeff Serowik, Konstantin Koltsov, and Tyler Kennedy were the 4 Penguins players to wear the number 48. Number 48 was an easy choice for us to decide who we would be focusing on today.

Tyler Kennedy

Tyler Kennedy was drafted in the 4th round (99th overall) by the Pittsburgh Penguins in the 2004 NHL Entry Draft. TK spent a few years playing in the OHL and the AHL before making his Penguins debut on October 27, 2007 against the Montreal Canadiens. Tyler Kennedy played 372 games for the Penguins during his time in Pittsburgh, scoring 76 goals and ringing up 92 assists. TK also registered 181 PIMs and had a +32 +/- rating during his Penguins career. 

TK wrote his name in the Penguins history book when he scored the first goal for the Penguins inside Consol Energy Center against the Filthadelphia Cryers Philadephia Flyers.

What an angle

Kennedy wasn't the biggest player by any stretch of the imagination, standing 5'11 and weighing 185 pounds. His size never stopped him from dropping the mits though, and when he did, he gave absolutely zero shits.

Hilary Duff probably found this video on the internet some night and asked Comrie for a divorce on the spot.

TK teaching Harry Zolnierczyk some WWE moves.


It seemed Tyler Kennedy also had an extreme dislike for Sean Avery, considering he fought him on 3 separate occasions.

The third fight of the 3 is without a doubt my favorite. Roughing minors 16 seconds into the game for each of them. 2 minutes of 4 on 4 hockey passes, TK and Avery step out of the box, and they waste no time. Fighting right out the penalty box like is something you would see in Goon or some other random hockey movie all about fighting.

What a hero

Kennedy also physically licked his stick during a game against the Florida Panthers in 2009. He later said he licked his stick for good luck. The funny thing is, TK actually went on to score 2 goals that game post stick lick.

During his time in Pittsburgh, Kennedy also picked up some part time work with teammate Kris Letang as a weather man at KDKA.

"Today's obviously a Tuesday"

Look at the composure on Letang there

Out of all the things TK did in his time in Pittsburgh, he will most be remembered for his work during the Stanley Cup Playoffs.... well that and either missing the net by 3248732973 feet or shooting the puck directly into the goalies chest. Regardless, TK wore the Penguins sweater for 76 playoff games during his time in Pittsburgh. He scored 12 goals and 15 assists. He received 25 PIMs during those playoff games and had an even +/- rating. 

TK will always have a special place in the hearts of Penguins fans because he was apart of Penguins run to their 3rd Stanley Cup in 2009. Whenever people crack Tyler Kennedy jokes or talk about how they are glad he is gone, I always remember the goals he scored in the playoffs, particularly the 2 goals below. He had that game breaking ability and came up big when the Penguins needed it on more than one occasion. 

Up until Game 4, the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals were a repeat of the 2008 Finals. Red Wings win Game 1 and 2, the Penguins take Game 3. Game 4 of the Cup Finals was the Penguins chance to even the series and change the script from the previous season. 5:53 remaining in the 2nd period, Orpik chips the puck down the ice. Kennedy pressures Zetterberg, forces a turnover. Kunitz. Crosby. Kennedy. (Jump to 3:27 for the goal. Although I recommend watching all the highlights)

Mike Lange. The Igloo. Goose bumps.

After an absolutely brutal Game 5, the Penguins had their backs against the wall. The previous year the Red Wings hoisted the Stanley Cup after a Game 6 victory. The Penguins would have none of that in 2009. The goal TK stuffed home on Osgood with 14:25 left in the 3rd period of Game 6 ended up being the game winner. It was the insurance the Penguins needed as the Wings would end up getting a goal of their own later in the 3rd period. The Penguins win Game 6, setting up the biggest game of our lives. The rest as they say, is history. (TK's goal comes at 3:57, but once I again I highly recommend reliving the magic and watching the entire thing.)

I vividly remember my heart dropping when Cleary had that breakaway.


Kennedy's career in Pittsburgh came to an end on June 30, 2013 when he was traded to the San Jose Sharks for a 2nd round pick in the 2013 NHL Entry Draft. TK definitely had his struggles in Pittsburgh, but he gave it 120% when he was on the ice and was willing to do whatever it took. Some might be happy he is gone but there is no doubting all that he did for this franchise. TK helped bring the Stanley Cup back to Pittsburgh, and he will forever have a special place in Penguins history because of that. Tune in tomorrow for number 47, until then.


Go Pens