RECAP. Let's Hear It For New *Fart noise*. Pens WIN

4

2

Before you read this recap we want you to do something for us.  Go look up 'dumpster fire' in the dictionary.  Bet you see a picture of the 2014 New York Rangers.  Now go to google and look search "World's Worst Hockey Player".  Bet you get 2,000,00 hits to some page pertaining to Rick Nash.  The Rangers are a mess.  They look defeated, exhausted and uninterested.  If it wasn't for Henrik Lundqvist this series would be over.  But we are going to a game 5 tomorrow night in Corporate Entitlement Country Club Library, and the Pens have a golden chance to end the Rangers season.  

Evgeni Malkin was on Bath Salts off the opening faceoff.  He was in the Rangers mouth constantly.  It felt like it was gonna be a special night for him.  Brook Orpik returned and he put his balls in Brad Richards mouth early.  Richards acted like Orpik said his mom wears combat boots or something.  Then Geno and his bath salts were back on the ice.  After Fleury made some saves at the other end the Pens turned an Anton Stralman turnover into a goal.  The Pens went flying into the Rags zone.  Malkin dished to Crosby who tried to go back across for the NHL 14 cross crease goal but it was blocked.  The puck bounced right to Bath Salt Man and he did this:

gif via The Pensblog

That is a pretty sweet goal but in all honesty here, Lundqvist should save that no problem.  Whatever.  Bottom line its 1-nil Pens.  The Pens got a power play when Lee Stempniak went all Zack Morris on NHL 14 on McDonagh.  Only thing he didn't do was score because McDonagh hooked him or something.  Pens didn't really get many opportunities on the power play though.  Beau Bennett got a chance right after but he waited for Pascal Dupuis to have another kid before shooting it which gave Lundqvist time to get over and make the save.  Dan Girardi tried to end Chris Kunitz when he boarded him.  No penalty was called but when Kunitz gave Girardi a love tap and Girardi acted like he got shot it was a penalty.  Like the Rangers were gonna score on that power play lol.  

Brooks Orpik's return was short lived.  He hit Zuccarello and looked like he hurt his knee.  *Paging Robert Bortuzzo*.  After 145 minutes the Rangers were finally able to beat MAF.  Matt Niskanen apparently didn't see Carl Hagelin flying through the neutral zone.  He was in La La Land which left Hagelin 1 on 1 with Scuderi.  Welp.  1-1.  The Rangers had a few chances to change the script in this game buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut they blew it.  Speaking of blowing.  Let's talk about Rick Nash some more.  He had the puck on a 3 on 1 and shot the puck so far wide of the goal I think it ended in Staten Island.  What a horrible hockey player.  And hey.  While we are piling it on Rick Nash, let's talk about the Rangers next power play.  Malkin was sent off for some Ranger being clumsy.  Rick Nash was carrying the puck through the neutral zone.  If you already started laughing we don't blame you.  But wait there's more!  While Rick Nash was carrying the puck through the neutral zone he fell, in what looked like he was diving for the last hot dog in the post game buffet.  Patrick Gibbons picked up the puck after Letang sprung him.  His original shot was stopped but Suttertron came in and banged home a rebound.  2-1 Pens.  

In the 3rd Marc Staal continued to head hunt Sidney Crosby.  He took a run at Sid but Sid ducked and Marc Staal stumbled over him like a drunk broad on the Southside on a Saturday night trying to avoid some drunk moron from the Steelers going straight GTA down the street.  Then Rick Nash drove Crosby into the boards from behind.  Sid was ok in both instances.  Then, karma his Marc Staal like that dude hit Snooki in the first season of Jersey Shore.  Jussi Jokinen threw a puck at goal that hit Marc Staal's skate and made its way under Lundqvist to make it 3-1 Pens.  Froto from Lord of The Rings tried to get the Ranger back into it when he beat MAF to make it 3-2.  It was a shot that Fleury saves 99 out of 100 times.  Whatever though.  The Pens made it 4-2 soon after.  The 14-87-71 line was out there again and Malkin fed Kunitz right in Lundqvist's mouth.  4-2.

 gif via The Pensblog

And that is all the Pens would need to wrap this game up.

1.  Evgeni Malkin

2. Brandon Sutter

3. Best In The World

Stuff:

• The Rangers had 25 turnover last night.
• The Rangers had 15, yes 15 shots on goal.
• Jussi Jokinen is tied for the playoff lead in goals with 6.
• Kris Letang and Marc Andre Fleury are playing some kind of hockey right now.  So great to see both of those guys have so much success right now after everything both of them have gone through in the past 12 months.

Pens look to wrap up the series tomorrow night at 7.

Go Pens