5 Living rooms across Western Pennsylvania, 9:14PM.
Television: HDMI 1 or 2 (check local listings)
Well since we've been posting many serious things regarding the Penguins and what we believe their approach to the offseason should be, we've decided to share with you, the valued reader, some light but very serious news. Tonight is Thursday, which means on NHL 14 it is banner time. Every week a new playoff opportunity arises where our team We Pucked Your Mom is able to compete and dominate and a raise a banner or be shafted by EA (NHL picks our fate beforehand). Either way, tonight is the night. Four games separate our team @ZackMorris82 @YouMeAndDupuis @Kingling43 @Bobbles412 and @TwitterlessJosh from greatness. The stakes are high and we're here to inform you because you care so much.
Lines: (Via EASHL Morning Skate)
I Jatted On Your Mom - Ur Mom Is Alesbian - Your Moms Vagissmelly
Ur Moms Fav EASHL Player - Ur Snatch Is So Loose
Scrub Goalie
About us:
@Bobbles412
Led by our solid first line right winger Your Moms Vagissmelly (which is indeed German, like Goc) is not only a locker room presence but a physical force on the rink as well. Known more taking 344353 strides to hit someone than his goals, he indeed keeps opponents in check. Look out for the words "!#%$ U Pink" and "Goodnight Moon" when he's coming after you. However Vagissmelly is riding a 6 game point streak with 9 goals over the last 4 contests. Look for him to be a force in the playoffs tonight.
@ZackMorris82
Next on the roster is I Jatted On Your Mom which is Austrian (much like Thomas Vanek. He is a solid first line left winger with the natural knack for glitch goals and pissing off other EASHL opponents. I Jatted On Your Mom has maybe scored three goals in which there was no glitch effort, and maybe has four career assists. He is known as a sniper rather than a passer, so when he has the puck look for the shot. In addition, Jatted On Your Mom is also a pro at taking 349634 strides to kill opponents and his second home is often in the penalty box. Look for Vagissmelly and Jatted On Your Mom to lead the team in PIMS tonight.
Vagissmelly and Jatted On Your Mom lay the boom
@Kingling43
Ur Mom Is Alesbian is a top center in EASHL Division 8. Alesbian which is Swiss (like Streit) is known for his two-way game (hehehe) as well as driving hard to the net and picking up the garbage. It is no coincidence that his number is 69 because he likes it dirty, picking up loose (hehehe) rebounds in front of the net. Also, his faceoff percentage is better than Brandon Sutter's in the post-season. Alesbian is also known to lower the boom too, so when he's on the ice look out for the words "Goodnight Moon" before he takes 34353 strides to kill you. Alesbian was also this month's "Mustache Boy" for his inability to convert on shootouts during our OPTIONAL practices (no jab at Bylsma there). Lastly, look for Alesbian to be a physical force (hehehe) in the playoffs tonight as he is known to take the occasional five minute penalty.
@YouMeAndDupuis
Ur Moms Fav EASHL Player (the only player with American dissent on this team) is probably the smartest out of all the degenerates on the team. Known for barely taking runs at pink (who is the most hated opponent color on NHL 14), his blazing speed and back-checking abilities, much like Kris Letang except Ur Moms Fav EASHL Player has never had a stroke. Ur Moms Fav EASHL Player is also known for his long reach (hehehe) and his ability to stop breakaways with that poke check. He is a locker room presence, just like Craig Adams but 3425345% better. The only flaw in his game is his ghetto ass connection in which he disconnects in 3/5 games a night, however even his CPU player leads by example like him. Look for Ur Moms Fav EASHL Player to bring some solid defense to the table tonight as well as his ability to lead by example.
@TwitterlessJosh
The newest member to We Pucked Your Mom is Ur Snatch Is So Loose (which is Finnish, like Maatta). He was a brought in at the EASHL trade deadline for literally nothing, much like the Niskanen and Neal for Goligoski deal, we won this one). Ur Snatch Is So Loose is a solid two-way (hehehe) defenseman, known more for his offensive abilities. His ability to jump up in the rush makes We Pucked Your Mom a threat both offensively and defensively. Not known to lower the boom too much, look for him and Ur Moms Fav EASHL Player to log the most ice time tonight.
Notes:
- First game is at 9:14PM Eastern just so you're aware
- Live tweeting will conducted by any team member who is currently in the penalty box
- Mustache Boy will take place prior to the night's first playoff game because we're the "Get Along Gang" and do not care
- F U Pink, we're coming for you
If you take offense to this post well then:
Lastly, we will leave you with words of inspiration from our captain @Bobbles412 with a rendition of Mario Lemieux's speech prior to game 7 in Detroit, but way better in our opinions.
#BecauseItsTheBanner
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