RECAP. Deer God Water You Doing???

5

1

   If you were ever able to preform "Opposite Day" on the rink, the Penguins clearly exemplified this in their performance last night. This game was just super confusing and frustrating right from the beginning, and the Penguins had no answer for the Rangers who definitely played their best game of the season. One thing is for sure, Evgeni Malkin was on last night. Not sure what he's on, my guess is Momma Malkin has been spiking his water bottle for the series but that's just me. However, you look at it, Malkin was the only bright side the Penguins had last night.

   Not much to summarize in the first period, other than for the first 36 seconds the Penguins looked like they wanted to play the game, after that meh. The Rangers powerplay finally clicked last night and quite often at that. After a soft delay of game penalty by post season hero Robert Bortuzzo, Chris Kreider opened the scoring with a goal that would only go in on Fleury and on NHL 14, basically banking the puck off of Fleury from some impossible angle. So now that Chris Kreider is known for his glitch goals, he will be hated from here on out. Then shortly after, Derick Brassard added another tally picking up the garbage in front of the net. One thing's for certain, it's how you start the game and the Penguins did not start the game. The Pens were outshot 17-9 during the first, leading to the question....

  The one and only bright spot came in 3:23 into the second period when Evgeni Malkin single-handedly tried to take on not only the Rangers defense, but their team and city as well. Malkin dangled through Dan Girardi and Marc StaLOLOLOL to put a weak shot on Lundqvist just to chase his own rebound and bury it from a crazy angle (however it was not a glitch like Kreider's goal). Malkin looked super-human during that play, let alone all night. The Penguins had received a boost from Malkin's dominance Derick Brassard got his second at 7:58 of the second. Just 50 seconds after that Ryan McDonagh scored with a blast from the point on the powerplay to put the Pens down 4-1. At one point in the second both Girardi and Brassard were in the box giving the Pens a 5 on 3 for a 1:23 in which they were unable to capitalize leading to another...

   Believe it or not, the NHL made the Penguins play a third period. The third period was really nothing much other than the Rangers attempting to make a statement because they were up by 3. One thing is for sure, both Dominic and John Moore are degenerates. The Penguins basically just tried to respond and on occasion go out of their way to get gooney with the Rangers. During the third Letang, Malkin and Gibbons all took penalties. One being hysterical was Malkin's "unsportsmanlike conduct" penalty for coming in after the whistle and poking at the puck one more time, just showing that Lundqvist can get any call he wants in the NHL. During Jokinen's penalty, he tackled John Moore leading to myself conducting a #YesMovement chant in the living room. The Rangers later added an empty netter as the Pens pulled Fleury for like the last 19 minutes of the third to try and get something going. Either way you put it, this was not the Penguins game as they looked like any team we've ever faced on EASHL.

1. Brassard

  2.Zuccarello

3.St.Louis

Notes:

• At least in the worst of losses Rick Trash is still non-existent as a hockey player
• Rick Nash is garbage
• Rick Nash is not good at hockey
• Rangers finally ended their 0/36 powerplay drought going 2/3 
• At one point during the first, the Pens were outshot 12-3
• The Penguins are 1/15 on the powerplay during the series
• Rick Nash is not good at hockey

Penguins look to not play like they did in game 5 and close it out at MSG Sunday night at 7 on NBCSN

  In brief other news, I would like to say that our EASHL team on NHL 14 has captured a banner! Our team name, which is really funny and entertaining and cannot be said in this article for fear of violating the privacy act, is on some kind of roll as we captured our first banner as this new club the other night in heroic fashion! After being down by 2 goals, we were able to glitch our way back to victory. However, the overtime was the most magical, as everyone was involved to get the game winner, scored by yours truly @ZackMorris82, with a beautiful pass of the pads/ whatever it was by @Kingling43. Also @YouMeAndDupuis was a wall on defense, saving me from my lack of playing defensive hockey numerous times. Lastly shoutout to @Bobbles412 for always killing pink, and being the physical presence we need out there. #BecauseItsTheBanner  

 <- Game-winning goal!