Jammed is a word that can describe an unlimited amount of emotions and can be applied to even more situations. From extreme happiness to extreme anger, jammed is the total package IMO. As things typically go on this blog, one night we were all bored and decided to make a post to better classify the levels of jam, particularly for the upcoming Pens season. So without further ado, we proudly present to you the official Heyyyyy Fannnssss Levels of Jam.
Code Green
The lightest level of jam. When you get jammed like this it not a big deal at all. You'll be jammed for like 30 seconds and move of with your day. Crosby hitting the post in the 1st period of a preseason game against Buffalo. Sure it's fun to see Crosby embarrass people but its a preseason game and its against Buffalo. You don't really give a damn in the end. You'll go crack a #TradeCrosby joke on twitter, and you day goes on.
Code Blue
The Original Jam. Code Blue will leave you jammed up for much longer than 30 seconds. Imagine that post Crosby hit, now it's in the regular season and Crosby hit that post in the 3rd period when the Penguins were losing in the game by a goal. You'll be pretty mad when the Penguins go on to lose the game but then you realize that Buffalo still sucks and you'll go troll Penguins fans on Facebook.
Code Purple
The dual jam. When we're into Code Purple it's starting to get serious. The Penguins are playing some random game in November. While they still have a good record, they've been sliding. The losing streak they're on already has you jammed and now there was some terrible call that went against the Penguins in overtime. The Penguins go on to get scored against on the PK and they lose again. You are pretty angry and you go on twitter and tweet @RefYouSuck. You might go troll a few of the other teams fans on twitter too. In the end you just say F it, go on NHL, and go destroy teams as the Penguins to make yourself feel better.
Code Brown
Triple Jam. Code Brown. The Penguins are playing some degenerate team like the Florida Panthers but then you see some superstar Penguin like Letang, Crosby, or Malkin laying on the ice in pain. You are more worried at first but then you hear HCMJ say something stupid like "upper body injury" and then he gives joke time frame for the injury. You have no idea what is going on and that is what jams you the most. You start re-watching the injury and then go research WebMD to try to figure out what is wrong.
Code White
The only GIF jam on our jam chart is for pretty legit circumstances. Lets say the Pens are now into December and its the final game before Christmas. They're still on a bit of a skid and are sitting in the final playoff spot at the time when a game against a rival like the Capitals begin. The Penguins come storming out and take an early lead. They're up 3 goals going into the 3rd period and then all hell breaks loose. Fleury lets in a weak goal, the Craps score another goal off a sloppy Malkin turnover, then Letang loses his mind and takes an undisciplined penalty. On the ensuing PK for the Pens, Ovechkin city, and it's a tie game. You think to yourself, there's two minutes to go in the game and the Pens will at least get into OT and get a point right? Wrong. 30 seconds to go the Craps dump it in the Pens zone. Fleury goes behind the net to play it, but the puck takes a weird bounce and ends up on a Capitals players stick right in front of the net and the Craps win it with 10 seconds to go. You're pretty jammed at this point. Yes it's only December, but the Pens haven't looked good as of late at all. The worst part is that the Pens now have a break for Christmas so this game will be in your mind over Christmas. You go to the mall to do some Christmas shopping and see some kid in a Caps jersey waiting in line for Santa Clause. You go up the the kid and tell him the truth about Santa. You don't really care at that point.
Code Yellow
The original Smuckers Jam Factory. While Code White will ruin a few days for you, Code Yellow is a much more serious situation. The Pens are in some big time game against the Flyers or Bruins late in the season and are fighting for the top spot in the playoffs. The game goes into OT and the Penguins score a goal. You start to celebrate but then all of a sudden you see stripes come flying out of know where calling the goal off. He claims Kunitz interfered with the goalie and therefore the goal doesn't count. You keysmash on twitter and tweet @RefYouSuck. Then before you can even calm down the Flyers go down the ice and Giroux snipes one home. You look at the replay and you see contact between Fleury and Wayne Simmonds. This pushes you over the edge. You go find Flyers fans on twitter and start to fight with them. You call his mom fat and start drinking beers.
Code Orange
The PicStiched Smucker's Factory. Code Orange is no joke. The Pens are playing the Blue Jackets in the playoffs and they lose game 1 by 5 goals. The Penguins take unlimited penalties and Fleury plays terrible. Crosby doesn't even register a shot. You don't even go on twitter after this one. You just go sit in a dark room and start pounding shots. Code Orange makes you think. You start asking yourself tough questions. Is this all worth it? You ask yourself what's wrong with your team. You imagine what will happen if the Pens can't turn it around. The changes that might take place. You even start to ask what the true meaning of life is. You don't want to bother us if Code Orange is in place.
Code Red
The unlimited Smuckers Factory PicStitch. You see Code Red go into effect, you better hide yo kids and hide yo wife. Code Red is for the absolute worst case scenario. The Pens go up 3-0 against the Flyers in the playoffs and then after Game 3 Giroux says they're coming back and winning. You go on twitter and start trolling. You look through Flyers fans old pictures on twitter and find some ugly selfie he took 3 years ago. You tweet him that picture at least 5 times a day until Game 4 starts. Then it happens. Giroux starts glitching and a week later you're walking into Consol for Game 7 against the Flyers. You are fear the worst but you still hold the faith. Giroux goes on to score a hat trick and the Flyers win Game 7. Code Red goes into effect and you are unable to move. You sit in your seat at Consol just staring at the ice. You're phone starts exploding and you see texts from you're friends saying that they saw you on TV after the Game ended. You check twitter and you see stunned GIF's of yourself all over the place. The Flyers fan you were making fun of earlier? He has that stunned pic as his avatar. You go to the store the next day to grab some milk, some old lady looks at you, so you give her a Rock Bottom. You don't watch hockey for awhile. It's GoodNight Moon if we're in Code Red.
Well, there you have it. The official Heyyyyy Fannnssss Jam Chart. Hopefully we'll use this throughout the season, but you saw how the countdown went, so who knows. Tonight the Pens play Philly, so we'll probably lose and go straight into Code Red but this post should give you the general idea. If you made it this far into this post, you deserve an award or something. Either way, Pens Flyers tonight, the return of the black and golds. Everyone here at the blog is jammed and so are you probably. Flyers suck.
Go Pens
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