Ways the Pens can fight the Injury Bug

It seems as if the Injury Bug has been striking the Pens with regularity the past few seasons.  This year, Martin, Letang, Bortuzzo, Orpik, Lovejoy, Strait, Crosby, Malkin, Staal, Jeffrey, Park, and others have missed time due to injury.  We've been hearing whispers on internet message boards that the Penguins training staff is mishandling these injuries and should be fired.  While we don't necessarily agree with these posters since we are not in the locker room and trust in Shero, we have formulated three ways that the Pens could help squash the injury bug.


1.  Hire Gregory House to be team doctor.

Out 2-4 weeks with an undisclosed lower body injury

Let's be honest:  players are going to get hurt playing hockey.  It's the treatment and prevention of injuries that makes the big difference.  House could probably cure Crosby's concussion by hitting him over the head with his cane a few times.

Internet hockey GMs tell us that House is a bit hesitant to leave his big time television show to pursue a career as a team doctor.  We assume that allowing him to create awkward sexual tension with Katie O'Malley during PensTV recordings could be the make or break point of the deal.

Close Enough

2.  Bugs Bunny as the new waterboy/coach/player.

The NBA sucks.  But if you were in 1st grade and didn't watch Space Jam when they wouldn't let you outside for recess because it was raining or snowing, you missed out on a big time part of childhood.

Basically the Looney Tunes and Michael Jordan were down big time at half to the Monstars, who are the basketball version of the Islanders with unlimited cheapshots.  Bugs Bunny uses his secret stuff, which is really just water, to bulk up during half time and come back and win the game.

The plan falls apart when John Steigerwald hears about the Pens recent hire.

3.  Craig Adams builds a shrine to Jobu in his locker.

Hey it worked for Pedro Cerrano.  Perhaps the added bonus could be to transfer the bad luck to other teams by inviting them over for some pregame rum.

Go Pens