HEYYYYY FANNNSSSS: RECAP: Jagr City - Who Cares it's December

(22-9-5)

(13-18-7)

so the Penguins have lost yet another random game in December. With #MumpsGate going on as well as any other random injuries that occur the Penguins can't catch a break. Honestly, who the hell cares if the Pens lose to the Devils in December with no body in the lineup. I mean let's take a look real quick at who the Pens were missing last night. Hornqvist is out 'several' weeks with a lower body injury, Bennett could be back as soon as Wednesday at the latest Saturday, Steve Downie and Thomas Griess are victims of #MumpsGate and are expected back within the week, Ehrhoff was placed on the IR just before Christmas with a lower body injury, Paul Martin should be back soon after being placed on IR before Christmas as well with an 'undisclosed injury', Olli Maatta will not need season ending shoulder surgery (thank christ) and should be back in about a month, Blake Comeau is out several weeks with a wrist injury, Craig Adams is on the IR with an undisclosed injury but should return soon, Zach Sill and Scott Wilson are hurt with who the hell cares because they're irrelevant and Bobby Farnham and Bryan Rust are better than they will ever be, and lastly, obviously Dupuis is out with a blood clot. Letang was questionable up until the game day skate yesterday with a bruise form blocking a shot during the Capitals game, so basically he probably wouldn't have played had the Penguins not had so many players out.

The Penguins tallied first with a wicked backhander by Sidney Crosby, his 11th of the season. It was good to see him kinda break out of his little funk / injury rumor stuff by showing off his tremendous strength and finding the net.

Gif Courtesy of the Penguins

There were two other things of note. First, Jaromir Jagr scored on a pretty wicked wrister from about the right circle to make it 2-1 Devils. Honestly, #BringJJHome. Jagr should retire a Penguin, buy the Rivers Casino and put Mike Lange back on television. Love him or not, he's a surefire hall of famer, and will return to the Penguins' Ring of Honor eventually. Jagr is the hero Pittsburgh deserves.

JJ for Life

The second thing to note was the POS sad excuse for a hockey player, ex-drug addict, garage league hockey player Jordin Tootoo. I don't even know how you can take yourself / life serious with that kind of name. Anyway, there was unsettled stuff brewing because of Bortuzzo's CLEAN hit on Jagr that knocked him out of the game and got Bortuzzo suspended for two games. That's fine, him and degenerate drug addict Tootoo dropped the gloves at the beginning of the second, it's hockey understandable. You know, the whole 'code' stuff. One fight should settle that, correct? Nope, big bad POS Jordin Tootoo decides to jump Bortuzzo later in the period and fight him AGAIN, because you know, 'the code?' So basically had Downie played, Tootoo would have been paralyzed and hopefully never able to play hockey again. Not that he was good at playing hockey anyway, he just likes to jump players and be an enforcer of that 'code' thing. Tootoo was better at doing drugs than hockey anyway. Either way you look at it, Bortuzzo was basically assaulted for playing hockey, a way too common occurrence in the NHL these days. Just ask Brooks Orpik. Either way, let's hope Tootoo's career will come to a close soon, whether it be due to #Downie316 or just no one wanting to sign the degenerate. Either way, what a POS and what a sad excuse for a hockey player.

Penguins fall 3-1 as Henrique added another goal about six minutes into the third. Whatever. It's December. Pens will slowly start getting guys back into their lineups and looking like a real team sometime in the near future. You can't fault the way they play when there's legit no one in the lineup for them right now. Bryan Rust is playing with Crosby. Just think about that. Either way, we're gonna transition into some cute puppy gifs.

*THE THREE STARS WERE ALL DEVILS SO WE'RE NOT LISTING THEM. WHO CARES*