Coke and Car Bomb

Breaking News IMO 

Yes it is confirmed, local boy from Upper Saint Clair Ryan "Coke Lines" Malone and goon, thug, and incompetent human being Daniel Carcillo have been brought in on a Professional Tryout contracts. Carcillo and Malone were both former Penguins. Carcillo was drafted 73rd overall during the 2003 NHL Entry Draft and Ryan Malone was selected by the Penguins in the 4th round 115th overall during the 1999 NHL Entry Draft.

Carcillo who is dumb as hell will have a chance to make the Pens lineup and provide immediate toughness, dumb penalties, suspensions or whatever he chooses to do. One would hope Carcillo will be smarter on and off the ice then seasons past. Also, anything is better than #LockerRoomCancer and #CoffeeWithTheCoaches hero Craig Adams, so if what Carcillo is able to bring to the table is better than Adams, we're on board with the move. The one aspect of Carcillo's game is that he is an agitator, pain in the ass and basically someone the Penguins haven't had since the likes of Gary Roberts and or Bill Guerin. Obviously Carcillo comes with way less skill then any of the guys previously mentioned but he will be a pain to play against. During Carcillo's ten seasons in the NHL with the Coyotes, Flyers, Blackhawks, Kings and Rangers he tallied 1,179 PIMs. In his career he has played 390 NHL games with 44 goals and 48 assists for 92 points (way more than I imagined). However Carcillo sucks for Pens fans because he's a -20 and +/- is everything so. One of Carcillo's plus moments in his career is when he jammed up the entire city of Filthadelphia after scoring a goal for the Rangers and jumping into the boards mocking Flyers fans.

Beast

Carcillo Jams up Philly

Carcillo Game Misconduct for Touching Linesman

Carcillo Highlights / Lowlights ??

Carcillo vs Talbot

Pens front office also signed off on bringing hometown hero and coke snorting extraordinaire Ryan Malone back on a PTO. Malone spent four years up the Penguins from the 2003-2004 season until the 2007-2008 season. In his time with the Penguins he did not do as much coke, or at least did not drive while possessing coke while being drunk and played in 299 games. Malone tallied 87 goals and 82 assists for 169 (hahaha 69) points with the Penguins. Malone was a career -27 for the Pens but Yinzers can't hate a local boyyyyyyyy. Malone left the Penguins after the 07-08 season to go snort coke and bang chicks down in Tampa Bay. While in Tampa other than snorting coke and going to the bone zone, Malone played in 342 games for the Lightning recording 92 goals and 109 assists for a total of 201 points. However, in Tampa he was a -28 so you can hate him for the last six seasons.

Don't do Coke

Malone does indeed have a chance to "crack" (I bet that joke has been said so many times already) the Pens bottom six and will hopefully be able to fill in on a "line" (hahaha) if needed. Malone is 6'4 220lbs so a big body in front of the net for the Penguins could do wonders. Malone was and is a hometown favorite and many fans and people thought the Pens should take a risk on Malone this offseason and sign him to league minimum or give him a shot. Here you go, coke lines Malone is back for now.

Malone Highlights

Don't do Coke and Drive

Malone vs Adams Beat his Ass Bugsy

What a player

In all seriousness, maybe these two guys don't make the team but it's a sign that Johnston and GMJR value grit and toughness, something Bylsma did not. If both Carcillo and Malone can play smart hockey (no coke, suspensions, or murders) there's a chance they could benefit the 4th line of the Penguins. Either way a PTO does not mean the Pens are committed to them by any means. Time will tell but it's a step in the right direction and it may lead to the end of #LockerRoomCancer and #CoffeeWithCoaches Craig Adams. Tune in later today to see who 35 is in the countdown!